User:Karlos/The Chronicles of Lamees

The Chronicles of Lamees is the journal that Lamees Ghaznawi keeps of her adventures in the land of Tyria and beyond. This is mostly sarcastic commentary on the game and the player culture.

Background: Lamees is a powerful elementalist. She is kind hearted and likes to help others, but unfortunately, she is also impatient, a bit tempermental and very stubborn. Occassionally, she will recount events that happened to one of her friends, The Transcendant One (T-1 for short), Kyle the Vile or Saifuddeen Kenaani.

Tuesday, March 28th 2006
Shard Hungry Gaki:

Ugh. Had a great FoW run ruined by another Shard Hungry Gaki. I no longer do 8 member FoW runs, they are so zzzzz. So, I formed a good 5 man (4 man one woman) group. The usual build, one healer, one bonder, me nuking, an SS Nuker and a stance tank.

We had a good start, but then things slowed down whenever we met more than one Shadow Monk. Lining up is an issue for my tank friend, but she's trying. I screamed in rage a few times, but for the most part, aggro control was fine.

But then the Shard Hungry Gaki had to strike. I got a couple of early shards, as did the healer. The lone PUGger started to moan about his drops. I felt bad for the guy and decided I would give him a shard if he doesn't get any on his own. Then, ANet had to rub it in the poor guy's face. So, everyone in the team got shards but the Gaki.

As soon as my 3rd shard dropped, the guy just left complaining that we were all having too good of a run. As long as there are no conseuquences to acting like a moron in PUGs, PUGs will remain the pathetic mess that they are right now. And people wonder why solo builds are so popular. Everyone is trying to avoid the Gakis.

--Lamees

Wednesday, March 29th 2006
Factions Preview Weekend getaway:

I have returned to good old Tyria after a weekend spent in the fabulous land of Cantha. I'll post my thoughts later, but here are some memorable moments from my trip:

--Lamees

Thursday, March 30th 2006
The Bomb that goes Ni!

We approach the other team with caution.. Are they blood spike? They look like they're blood spike! Our target caller picks a target. 3.. 2.. 1.. Poof! They all die except a mesmer with 20% health! Ooops.. EoE Bomb gone bad. :)

--Lamees

Monday, April 3rd 2006
I'm using Whirlwind!

This is one from the olden days. I have to chronicle it here to tease Mike with it even more.

So, I went with some friends to FoW. This was back in the day when I did 8 man groups. In those groups I always went with Air Magic. So, in one group, I did fairly well, and impressed these two friends, Danielle (IGN) and her boyfriend, Mike, with some uber-spikage. So, Mike decides to go Air spiker in our next run.

I remember it vividly like it was yesterday. It was me, Panda, Danielle, Mike and others. We were fighting the two Shadow Monks and one Shadow Mesmer group that's right at the start. We were in the heat of battle and having a hard time killing those monks and Mike was trying to show he was doing his best by calling the spell he was using on the monks, which was: I'm using Whirlwind! (see Whirlwind's description).

The fact that he was standing several feet from anything and that he was spamming that spell made us all break into laughter. The poor man is haunted by "I'm using Whirlwind!" till today whenever we go adventuring/farming together.

--Lamees

Tuesday, April 11th 2006
Why I hate Kyle...

I hate Kyle. He makes too much money and it's too easy for him. While I have to get into PUGs or spend much time forming groups off the guild and friend lists. He just wakes up, steps into the Temple of the Ages, in 2 minutes he has found a 55 monk, off they go to the Underworld, poof! One ecto and 5k to boot and maybe even a good rare item. All that in 30 minutes. I could hardy make 5k a night and he can easily make 20k without even selling his ectos!

Sure. T-1 can make the same amount of money in the opposite role, but 55ing is serious work. You have to time your casts, know where the nightmares are and constantly eye your enchants... One miscast and the run could be over. But Kyle, he just sits there, casts SS and that's it! There are times when he casts SS and then goes to browse the net while SS kills the monsters! And don't get me started on his speedos.

The next time I see someone arguing how SS is NOT overpowered I am using my Lightning Orb on them!

--Lamees

Tuesday, April 18th 2006
The Plot Uncovered!

I don't believe this!!! I was in the Crystal Desert helping aguildie friend do The Misplaced Sword quest, when lo and behold! A collector in the middle of the desert. Guess what his name was... Kyle the Rich!!! Of all names, and of all adjectives!! Oh Mockery, thy name is ArenaNet!!

--Lamees

Monday, April 24th 2006
The Henchie Crisis

So, a party of 8 marches into the hazardous Snake Dance. They kick butt left and right. Blessed Griffons, Azure Shadows, Mountain Trolls, ..., You name it, it had it's butt kicked by us. As usual it was me and my henchie entourage which is everyone except Cynn/Orion the floor-nukers.

We get to a group of mean Stone Summit bent on denying me my skill cap. We engage with my usual tactic, take out the front most Stone Summit Herder or two before going for the monk. Otherwise, Alesia just caves under pressure from 4 Herders.

Then something goes terribly wrong. I am stuck in Dunham for a few seconds (the infamous pathing problem around bends). While I was trying to work my way around Dunham's big behind, the courageous, yet often misguided, Claude went up front to give the warriors energy (or some other weird reason). No sooner did he do that than the Herders started to make pastrami out of him.

At that precise moment in time, my on-going conflict with Dunham was resolved and I was able to go around him, so as I started to get in range for my spells. Unfortunately, I watched in horror as Claude's health bar rapidly fell to zero. It took me a few seconds to recognize that Alesia and Lina did not heal him because they were... moving 5 steps!

What happened next, proves (beyond any doubt), that the person who wrote the henchmen AI in this game is a very evil man. Both monks rushed to resurrect the fallen Claude. And in no less than 5 seconds, were turned into salami. 15 seconds later, we were all lying on our faces, dead, except for Reyna, who simply would not die without pushing the dagger even deeper.

With her dying breath, Reyna invoked the evil curse "Extra DP" on Lina. Lina got up, stood there, puzzled. The herders were puzzled too, they stood at Reyna's corpse, confused. Then they went for Lina. Lina started doing an odd war dance, casting Protective Spirit on herself, then Reversal of Fortune, then going back and forth between corpses as if checking for a pulse (with the poor Herders following her, very confused). At exactly the right moment when she would be considered to have died sufficiently after her last death and would accumulate extra Death Penalty, she died.

At the res shrine, I contemplated the traumatic experience that I went through. With the sad state of PuGs and the decline in henchmen intelligence, I am left with a burning question: Why won't ANet implement a system where by you can command the henchies? Because right now, they have no clue what to do other than follow a basic call.

Sad, sad, sad. :(

--Lamees