User:Mgrinshpon/Breaking News

Get this, I think I may have triggered the end of a marriage tonight.

I was visiting my friend's new apartment downtown. He's in a 10 story building, and he's on floor 6. I gave my attractive female friend a ride over so she could go to the health food store (she doesn't like my friend). I wouldn't consider getting with her, but I want to maintain a good image in case the possibly should ever arise and I feel like diving in. ..

I got in the elevator and nobody was around. I'd been holding a massive fart in and figured now would be a good time to release, since his apartment door was like 10 feet from the elevator on floor 6.

So as soon as I let it out, a dude puts his arm in the door and gets in. He's going to floor 6 as well. He starts to smell it but ignores it. Then the elevator stops on the third floor. A very attractive woman gets in, and she's also going to floor 6. Now I've already told you how I don't like attractive women to know I've farted.

So as soon as she smells it, I also act like I just smelled it. "Oh, dude. Do that in your apartment, man." He turns to me with a look of outrage, "What? It smelled like that before I got on here! You farted!" I reply, "Real smooth, man." He stifles his anger. The woman remained stoic and looking forward throughout our exchange.

Floor 6 arrives after what seemed like a very long time, and I head to the right about 10 feet. They both head to the left about 10 feet and stop at the door. Evidently these two are a couple or roommates, though you wouldn't have known it from their lack of interaction in the elevator.

My friend is finishing up editing a video as I enter and so it's very quiet. I hear some conversation through the walls, since they seem to be very thin.

The conversation starts to pick up. It's getting angrier. The woman in particular is getting much louder. I'm not trying to be nosey, but I distinctly hear the woman accuse the man of trying to blame "the other guy" for the gas. She really thought I was innocent.

This continues for about 3 minutes and then I hear what sounds like a plate being thrown against the wall behind my head. Shit's getting really heated now.

The woman is accusing the man of this and that, even infidelity. She's pulling out the really dirty shit, like "All of my friends told me I shouldn't have married you! They all knew what a loser you are! You pressured me into this!"

The man is repeating "bitch" in his retorts over and over again. I guess she's already peaked, so the word isn't inflaming things like it's done in my past fights.

This continues for about 10 minutes with other shit being thrown, dunno what, and then she breaks down and starts crying. She cries for about 5 minutes explaining that she's been getting sexually harassed at work but she hasn't told anyone and it's really been getting to her.

Then I remember something. I didn't get a good look at her face when she got in the elevator, but I work with this woman. I've been sexually harassing her.

So the crying continues and from the even more muffled voice I think she was crying into his shoulder or chest or whatever. Maybe a pillow, though he was consoling her. Then it turned into sex. They were having sex in the living room despite the paper thin walls. By this point my friend can't ignore it anymore and he finally finishes his fucking video. So we're both leaning up against the wall with our ears against plastic cups.

The dude was a 3 minute wonder, lol. She gets pissed again. He didn't want to do foreplay, and he's ultra fast at sex. She goes back to telling him how much of a fucking disappointment he is.

And then my wife came into the room and told me to move to Bel-Air.