User talk:Entropy/Archive 29

May I ask why is it that you are leaving.. was it something in IRC? I really don't want to lose you --Toolbooth death 05:41, 20 December 2008 (UTC)
 * No, you may not. [[Image:Entropy Sig.jpg]] (T/C)
 * I've never contributed to Guildwiki, I don't even have an account. I just come here for the information provided, and I end up reading the discussion pages, sometimes for additional opinions about skills, sometimes out of pure boredom. Take it from someone who has no connection to anyone on this site; You're far too dramatic. 98.197.75.46 21:42, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Bye
Sorry we can't actually give you hundreds of millions of dollars, but please accept this golden parachute as a token of our appreciation for all you've done for us.



May it carry you wherever you want to go. Entrea   [Talk]  05:15, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

11 Gun salute
I'll shoot nearly a dozen small children for you when my domination of the world is complete.--Łô√ë îğá †ħŕášħ 05:38, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * That's not thoughtful, nice, or cheesy! What kind of gift-giver are you?[[Image:Entrea Sumatae.png|Entrea Sumatae]] Entrea   [Talk]  05:41, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is she gone anyway? Did I miss something? Arnout aka The Emperors Angel 09:58, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * A combination of things, but as far as I know, the main trigger was suddenly finding out that she'd be unable to participate in any of our Wintersday events due to real life stuff, probably involving lack of computer/internet connection for an extended period. &mdash;Dr Ishmael [[Image:Diablo_the_chicken.gif]] 16:19, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * This, like all things (such as slow cars and gas-causing burritos), shall undoubtedly pass. Jink  16:44, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * In that case, it would probably be nice if we didn't give her a completely full talk page as a welcome-back present. --[[image:GEO-logo.png]] Jïörüjï Ðērākō.> .cнаt^  20:11, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Well not full, just short of it, I mean its nice to know you were missed isn't t it? See you when we see you Entropy Durga Dido 21:00, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Entropy's Farewell Address
You people just don't get it.

I'm gone. Forever. For permanently. I'm not coming back in two weeks. Not in a year. Not when the mythical GW2 is released. Not when Izzy balances Wounding Strike. I am never coming back.

It wasn't because of the Wintersday decorations. I hate them. They are excessive, garish, obscure visibility, are not fully bugtested, and made many users angry. They make us look like a cheesy fansite, hardly a Wiki or proper encyclopedic reference. You can argue that it did more good than harm, that the number of pleased users is greater by five times, but I warn you that playing majoritarian politics is a dangerous road. The proper thing to do would have been to make it an opt-in process, where users can enable the decorations themselves. (Nevermind the snow, that script was buggy anyway.) But no, this was not why I left.

It wasn't because of the Wintersday events. I never wanted to participate in them from the start. I found them to be stupid and a waste of my time. But of course, being the bureaucrat and so on, it was my duty to attend and give the appearance that I cared. Apperance is everything, you know. If the very embodiment of the wiki didn't show up, what sort of event was it? No, I could have attended if I wanted to. But in the end, I asked myself: Who am I fooling? Why am I acting...what do these shenanigans achieve? Nothing. This was not why I left.

It wasn't because of anything on IRC. I am certain that everyone can attest to this.

It wasn't because of Mendel or Auron or Pling (aka R.Phalange or Brains12). I regret promoting Mendel. I made a gamble by promoting him; even though I still disliked him personally and as a user, even though I disagreed with him on some very important Wiki matters, I gave him full faith and credit and sat back to see if I could be proven wrong. I was. Though he has changed in some ways, he is still not fit for adminship, and given a choice again I would not promote him. My last justification was that Mendel was okay because he basically did more good for the Wiki than harm; I no longer believe that.

Auron could best be described as my former mentor; I learned my Wikistuff largely from him. Even before promoting Mendel, I had done certain things and neglected to do others; while one should never follow advice religiously, I was at times going against the very same principles and values which I had "come to power" on. "complete turnarounds", "gaping holes" in logic, "loss of focus"... such criticisms became increasingly common as I spent more time as Bureaucrat. Promoting Mendel was the last straw for Auron, and he left GuildWiki for good. At that point, in more ways than one...to use Auron's words, I had failed. A few other words which some of you may remember...I have done jack all to improve the Wiki. An admirable effort to keep it a float, yes, but never to make progress and move forward. This wiki is dead, and without progress to revitalize it, we rely almost entirely on GWW's failings to send users our way. That is a losing business model and no way to run a wiki.

Do you know how long I have been here? Can you begin to comprehend how many thousands of hours I have spent here over more than two years? I have poured my life and soul into GuildWiki. I have destroyed myself for this site. Do you know how many nights and days I have spent reading through all the Recent Changes? I have skipped classes and failed Calculus II - in college - just to devote more time to GuildWiki. I have gone for days without sleep, missed meals, declined social outings - even dates - to spend more time on GuildWiki.

I never wanted to be an admin. I never wanted to be a bureaucrat. I took the jobs anyway because it was my duty...how could I refuse? GuildWiki was all I had in life.

I have thrown my life away for this place, and all for what? Nothing.

I have no life in real life. That is horribly cliche, I know, but pause to consider... In all the world, I have but a single "friend". And I am loathe to call him that. I have never had a girlfriend...there have been a number of chances, but I threw them all away, for GuildWiki or indirectly because of it. Because of this, those friendships were sundered for ever. I have no "home"; I have spent so much time on GuildWiki that home is now where my laptop is. I do not relate to my family any more; GuildWiki has alienated me from them. I rely on just one person in the entire world to fulfil my emotional needs, and they are far out of my physical reach, where I need them.

You people...all of you. Everyone on GuildWiki. You have given me support and friendship for two years. But it means naught to me. I have been exchanging digital friendship for flesh and blood. A placebo for my real-life social failures. None of you, not a single one, mean a thing to me when compared to a physical person. You are all real people, or so I believe, over at the other end staring at your screens... but that changes nothing. There is room enough in my life for only one set of "people". I can no longer slavishly devote myself to this place in the vain attempt to cover for my lack of such sustenance in real life. I can not make true friends in real life as long as GuildWiki occupies that part of my life. It drags me down.

GuildWiki (and to a lesser extent, Guild Wars) has allowed me to "roleplay"...it has allowed me to be someone I'm not. Popular, a leader of men, outspoken, vicarious, powerful, responsible...and female. In real life, I am one of those known as "Transsexual / Transgender". By birth, biologically, genetically, etc., I am male. In spirit, in heart, in mind, in my image of myself, I identify as female. Don't worry, though - if you had any fears that the leader of GuildWiki was a transvestite, or gay, or even a transwoman, I can assure you that's not the case. (I predict that at this point, about half of you are laughing; a quarter are shocked; and the other quarter are disgusted. Not bad.)

Maintaining this...illusion, if you will...is something which has exacted a lot of effort on my part, largely because I detest lying to those that I respect. (Yes, I'm talking about you.) At the best this could be called a deception or falsehood. I have publicly made statements on this wiki and elsewhere that "I am a girl". As some of you may have noticed, as time went on I increasingly shied away from concrete statements and went for whiter lies, such as referring to my gender instead of my sex. No matter how you cut it, though, it was a lie I have lived by for over two years now. And while I have loved nearly every minute of it, I have finally come to realize that it is not worth the effort to "hide"; it prevents me from dealing with the issue in real life. Once again, a placebo effect, letting the digital life replace the real one.

I'm a bloody wreck. I'm an addict. GuildWiki keeps me going; it's my drug. And now I'm kicking the habit for good. I have come to realize what is real and what is not; I mean to take my life back. If we should ever meet again...some other time, some other game...don't be hurt if I don't say hello. I can not bear the shame.

~Christopher Michael Fong, a.k.a. Entropy.

Aww...
Well, from what you said up there, you really are addicted. Good luck kicking the habit, I hope you can make it. As for the "lies", I wouldn't worry. Does anyone seriously expect people to be telling the truth about their gender on the internet? No. In that respect, you're just one more face in the crowd, and you have a lot more claim to that face than most do. Anyway, I repeat my wishes above. Best luck in life, wherever you decide to go. Entrea   [Talk]  22:35, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * For me personally i couldn't care if you (or anyone else) was male/female/no gender, if you preffer the name Jane then i will address you as female,if your Joe i will address you as male,I'll also mess around/flirt with you if you are of a different gender then the persona I am roleplaying at that moment.Anyways, It's good that you have decided to "get a life" I know some of us can't or don't want to yet (I'm personally one of the ones that don't want to).I wish you luck with whatever you decided to do and hope you get to enjoy it.Good luck and see you in another life. Durga Dido 23:25, 21 December 2008 (UTC)