User:Mendel/wikianswers

This page concerns Wikianswers, a new service of wikia that consists of wikia users on many sites (even GuildWiki) posting inane questions off the cuff that are stored in a wiki that has the full "social features" package installed and looks more like facebook than monobook. Of course nobody spends even 3 minutes researching the answers to questions that have been written in three seconds, so Wikia are uploading complete Q&A (e.g. 2300 acronyms culled from wikipedia) to give the database a semblance of professionalism. Of course many questions are of a spammous nature and have to be deleted.

Of course I have not decided to spend my time as a researcher for this service, but it is kind of fun to come up with short and snappy answers to some of these questions or to give extremely short but helpful responses. Unfortunately, some of those are quickly deleted by the powers that be, but a few hours of helpfulness (and my reputation?) granted me sysop status, so I can still present you with these gems. The hundred answers on this page were mostly written by me in the span of 4 hours between 4 a.m. and 8 a.m. on 30 Jan 2009, this comes down to 25 answers per hour or roughly two minutes per answer on average.


 * answers:User:M.mendel <--- my user profile
 * answers:User talk:M.mendel

deleted contributions

 * How to ding?:Learn how to "dong" first.
 * Who is jeff?:Do you mean Jeff from Arkansas of Jeff who lives next door?
 * Are you fucking retarded piece of crap?:No.
 * You, sir, are a dickhead!?:Although heavily quoted, the origin of this phrase is unknown.
 * Whats my name?:Rumpelstiltzkin.
 * Just trying ok?:Keep going until you succeed, please. I'm sure you'll make it eventually.
 * Who am i?:You are yourself.
 * Ghostbusters?:Gonna call them.
 * Fuck u?:No thanks, not tonight, I've got a headache.
 * Who?:What, me?
 * huh?:Wut?

General advice and information

 * Are killer penguins real?:Yes, but the killer seals keep them in check.
 * Who is the president of the USA?:Barack Hussein Obama II
 * What is the eye?:The eye is the organ by which animals see.
 * What is the ending of this story?:If the story is a comedy, it ends on a funny note, if it is a tragedy, it ends sadly. If it is a whodunit, you find out who the killer is (probably not the gardener; it's usually the butler).
 * Shooting heroin?:Don't do it.
 * UFO?:UFOs are unidentified flying objects. Most UFOs have later been identified. No UFO has ever been identified as an alien spaceship.
 * What is the human attributes?:The human attributes are the abilities for rational thought and the capability to feel love and pain.
 * Dost thou liketh pie?:The cake is a lie.
 * Candy?:Candy, John Franklin, Canadian actor, died 1994 at age 43.
 * Fat?:Along with protein and carbohydrates, fat is one of the main components of nutrition. It can be produced by animals or plants.
 * Can you download Kevin Rudolf's new song "Welcome To My World"?:No, can you?
 * Wtf?:"wtf" is short for "What the fuck?", an expression of bewilderment in the face of unexpected failure.
 * Why does daft punk wear robot helmets?:'Cause they're cool.
 * Where can i find cats?:Your local animal shelter can help you give a cat a new home.
 * How long will frozen tomatoes keep?:Until they spoil.
 * How many rings does mars have around it?:Mars has no rings, although Saturn is said to have 9.
 * Where lie the Netherlands?:The Netherlands are located in central Europe.
 * Can you give me an example of activities in metacognition?:I think, therefore I am. (René Descartes).
 * How to hook up an older tv to direct tv a dvd or vcr and a receiver?:Use cables.
 * How old does a child have to be to be left alone in the state of florida?:Unfortunately, sometimes even very young children are left alone.
 * Who is Obama?:Most likely Barrack Hussein Obama II, the current president of the United States of America.
 * What is the highest mountain in the world?:Mount Everest in the Himalaya mountains.
 * How does a fan capacitor work?:Just like any other capacitor.
 * What happened to her in the end?:She died. In the end, we all must die.
 * What is francium?:Francium (Fr) is a radioactive metal and has the number 87 in the periodic table of elements.
 * How well are the staff paid at Calpine Corporation?:Mrs Douglas is a very hard worker and doesn't get paid nearly enough, but Mr Finlay is lazy and doesn't deserve what he earns.
 * How well are the staff paid at Vocera Communications?:More or less the same as those at Calpine Corporation.
 * How big is a cubic inch?:A cubic inch is the size of a cube with sides that are 1 inch long. This is about the size of half a golfball.
 * How to make non alcoholic wine?:Make alcoholic wine, then remove the alcohol.
 * What impact does each level of improvement have on the troop's strength ie Level 1= 10% greater attack strength?:The impact of each level by itself is not so much, but boy does it add up!
 * Discription of the mother?:The woman who gave birth to you is your mother; the mother that your father married is your stepmother; and if you don't live with your mother, you may have an adoptive mother.
 * How to drive motorcycles?:Fast but carefully. Consult a driving school for details.
 * How long does cooked rice last in refrigerator?:Until I eat it all.
 * How to get rich?:Get people to give you more money than you spend.
 * How long has buddhism been around?:Buddhism has been around for roughly 2400 years.
 * Ooooo?:Efforts to teach English to fish have never progressed much beyond this stage.
 * Math?:Short for "mathematics", a branch of philosophy that is of great use to the natural and economic sciences.
 * Do u have any hall monitor speeches for school?:No.
 * What is auditory perception?:"Auditory perception" is hearing things.
 * Who will play doctor who this year.?:An actor.
 * Cb?:Cb is an acronym that can have more than 100 different meanings, depending on circumstance.
 * Whats my name?:Rumpelstiltzkin.
 * Do u liek mudkipz?:Fondle my pokemon and I'll sue you.
 * Where can i download this game for free?:On teh Intarwebz.
 * What pharoahs were placed in each pyramid?:Dead Pharaohs.
 * Naegling in english?:Naegling is Beowulf's sword.
 * Do they understand Stewie?:No, they don't.
 * Why did i die?:Because your life ended.
 * Zaphod vs mitch?:Zaphod.
 * How to tell stainless steel?:Acid does not stain it, and it does not rust. The easiest way is to look for an engraving, a note on the packaging, or ask whomever sold it to you.
 * How to remove stains off skin?:You can wash them off using a liquid that dissolves it, or you can use something abrasive to take the upper, mostly dead layer of skin off that is stained.
 * What are piglets?:Piglets are the "children" of pigs.
 * Changes fidel castro made in cuba?:Over the course of Castro's life, Cuba went from a capitalistic to a socialist society and is in recent times opening itself again somewhat to free market economies.
 * How many men were killed in civil war?:Which civil war in human history are you referring to, and why do you limit your question to males?
 * How much money do cardiac surgeons get?:That depends on how well their investment portfolio is doing.
 * How does a garnishment work?:You get a court order.
 * How to adjust valves on a homelite engine 196cc?:With a wrench.
 * How long would it take to get to Saturn's moon Atlas?:Do you mean, including getting funding, building the spacecraft, and waiting for a favorable launch window, or just the travel time? And are you referring to a probe or a manned mission?
 * How would you describe your work style and your ethic?:With words formed into sentences and paragraphs.
 * How many people live on earth?:All of them. (Unless you see dead people.)
 * asshole?:"Asshole" is another name for "anus", a part of the human antonomy. Also used as a derogative term.
 * What transfers gravity?:Gravity waves. They're yet undiscovered, though.
 * What is the word?:The word is Love. &mdash; The Beatles


 * Why is pizza round?:If you'd ever seen a traditional Italian chef prepare it, you knew why: after the dough has been mixed, kneaded and has risen, the dough ball gets formed into a flat disc in teh air by rapidly spinning it and flattening it with the chef's hands. The round spin imparts a circular shape on it.
 * Is salt water good for sore throat?:Yes, it is. Any kind of water is, actually, if you sip it continuously in small quantities. Sucking on something (such as a candy) produces saliva, which has a similar beneficial effect.
 * How to tell if somebody is on drugs?:That depends on the drugs. Needle marks, unnormal eye dilation or delayed pupil contraction reaction or unusual behaviour may be clues. A urine test is often used; some drugs can even be found in hair.
 * How do you lose weight by making yourself throw up?:You don't because it is unhealthy. Please check our body mass index (BMI) to find out if you're really overweight; if you are, change your food intake (less fatty and starchy foods, more unprocessed foods) and lifestyle (move your body!). If you lose too much weight you can get seriously ill or die!
 * How does a doorbell work?:You pull the rope which sets the bell in motion, the clapper strikes it and you hear a sound. More modern bells are electric devices. The general idea is that people in front of the door are given the opportunity to cause a noise inside the house.
 * How did jews come to live in germany?:They moved there. Jews live pretty much all over the world, and this has been the case for centuries. The same holds true for all the other major religions, too.
 * How did jews survive the holocaust?:By emigrating (= leaving the country), by hiding with brave friends, or by luck and stamina.
 * How did hitler identify who was jewish?:Everybody had to produce documentation (birth certificates etc.) proving their ancestry up to their great-grandparents, and depending on how many of them were Jews, you could have 1/8-Jews up to full Jews. If only a few grandparents were involved, it was sometimes possible to fake documents. Since the churches kept good records, procuring the documents was usually not a problem for non-jewish Germans.
 * How do the jews bury their dead?:In a grave in a graveyard, like everybody else.

What is education?

 * EDUCATION, n.:That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. (Amborse Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911)

How to play fall for you on piano?

 * Sit on stool in front of piano
 * place fingers on keys
 * move fingers on keys as music demands

Sex and love

 * Do you like butt sex?:I like to call it "anal sex".
 * Penis?:Genital; male reproductive organ. Much on the mind of thirteen-year old boys.
 * How do people have sex?:Sexual intercourse is when a man inserts his penis into the vagina of a woman. There are many other activities that are sexual in nature, however.
 * What does a vagina look like?:You can follow this link for a image (warning: picture shows a vagina (duh) and may not be safe for work.) [Note:Originally the answer was just the displayed image, but Angela felt uncomfortable with that, converted it to a link labelled "NSFW" and linked that acornym to a page explaining it.]
 * Who fucked me?:The person you had sex with. If you're pregnant and you know the possible fathers, a DNA test can help determine him.
 * How can I make myself go into labor?:Assuming you're nine months pregnant and your cervix (neck of the uterus) is sufficiently wide open (your midwife can tell), relax. Some sleep or a nice hot bath work for some.
 * Porn?:Porn is the depiction or description of sexual intercourse. If you see peope fucking or read a description of it, it's porn of one sort or another.
 * How am I supposed to find my soulmate?:You aren't - your soulmate will find you.

How does a guy show he likes you?

 * He endeavours to be near you.
 * He pays attention to you.
 * He tries to make you feel good.

What's a pussy?

 * "Pussy" is short for "Pussycat", that is a cat.
 * The term is colloquially used for the female genital region.
 * "Pussy Galore", played by Honor Blackman, was the "Bond Girl" in the 1964 James Bond movie "Goldfinger".

How to get over a boyfriend?

 * He deserves to die, the asshole. Kill him. Mentally if nothing else.
 * Remove everything from sight that reminds you of him.
 * You feel rejected and depressed. Engage in activities that make you feel better, such as
 * long warm bubble bath
 * listen to your favorite music
 * read a book (avoid romance novels, go for suspense)
 * take a walk outside
 * sports
 * spend time with friends
 * go shopping, get a new outfit
 * get makeover

How does a women masturbate?
Women can rub their clitoris and the surrounding area with their fingers and insert their fingers or other objects (e.g. dildos) into their vagina to sexually excite themselves.

How to choose lyrics for a love song?

 * love somebody
 * remember events and feelings
 * write about them
 * put them to verse

How long do sperm live in water?
That depends on the temperature of the water. Heat it above 40°C (100 degrees Fahrenheit) and they die. Under optimum conditions I would expect a lifetime of less than three days.

How to tell if a girl wants you to kiss her?

 * If she pulls you into her arms or says "kiss me!" that's a pretty good clue.
 * If you're uncertain, see how she reacts when you say "I'd like to kiss you".
 * If you don't want to be as direct as that, compliment her on the color or the shape of her lips. Saying "kiss me!" and waiting what happens is also a good way to find out.

Do you have to have sex if you get married?
''[There were already three answers of various degrees of dumbness. Here's mine:]'' The Catholic church requires a marriage to be consummated before it is valid, which means "yes". In certain locations this is or has been a legal requirement. On the other hand, modern laws proscribe stiff penalties for forcing your spouse to have sex with you, considering this intramarital rape. If you live in a country with a law like that, you cannot be forced to have sex even if you get married.

What is a condom?
A condom is a latex covering for a man's penis. Taken from the package, it looks like a ring; you hold it to the tip of the erect penis and then unroll it along the shaft until the penis is pretty much covered in a think film that sits snug. If this is done correctly, before any genital contact takes place, and it is not used with oils or other lubricants that weaken the latex, a condom greatly reduces the risk of transmitting a sexual disease or causing an unwanted pregnancy.

Rape?
Rape is sex without consent, i.e. one of the partners does not want the activity. There are various laws that govern under which circumstances this is punishable, often quite severely. Women who have been raped often have trouble talking about this and should contact an organization specialised in supporting them as soon as possible.

How to hit a girl's g spot?
You don't. Sexuality and eroticism is about being relaxed, exploring each other, and being open to your partner's reactions. Find a setting and a position for sex you both enjoy and the G-spot will take care of itself.

The final questions

 * Why are there so many questions?:Because it is simpler to ask tnan to answer. Because with every answer, you usually find more questions.
 * What is the point of this wiki if everyone just asks stupid random questions about nothing?:The questions get stored, indexed by google, and when people look them up wikia gets money.